A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
