What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
