Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Be still, my beating vagina.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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