pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
