I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
