Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
