Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i love accidental penises.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
