i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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