i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
