I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize