the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
