Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
