you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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