mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I made him laugh his dick is mine
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize