i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
