There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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