He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
