The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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