her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
