i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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