her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
