your room smells of hookers.
And success
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
