First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
