Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
