week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize