Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
There are leaves in my underwear?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
