I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
