I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
