If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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