The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
