I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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