i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
