Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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