this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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