I smell stomach acid.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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