I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
