Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
