Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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