why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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