Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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