i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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