My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
