I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
