Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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