dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Randomize
