i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He has the fingertips of a God
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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