I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
