I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
