tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
