in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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