There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Are my feet made of real feet?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
this is an emotional support booty call
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
