he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
