I looked at my own cervix.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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