Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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