It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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