I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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