I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
