Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
