I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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