We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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