***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
