Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
