I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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