Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
two words...techno handjob
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
