So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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