I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
