I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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