1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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