If that was your dad, he is hot
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
