That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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