these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
