I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
