I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
