see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
