He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
