Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
