why didn't you poke me back
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There's always time for handjobs
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
