I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
