Rock
Scissors
Fuck
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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