Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What drink are we having for lunch?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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