You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize