Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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