I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
