I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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