thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
