I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
