I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
