yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
