My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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