I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
