I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
