i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
