Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
