My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
