what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
