What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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