I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
