im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
