I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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