I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
