I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
