Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
