So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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