in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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