meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
