Kiss
Puke
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
