new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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