Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
