What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize