Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
