His pubic hair was longer than his dick
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
