What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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