If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
