first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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